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Managing Grief After a Community Tragedy

Managing Grief After a Community Tragedy

by | Feb 17, 2023 | Counseling

I am not a natural blogger, which is why I have amusingly shared one post so far in over a year. But today I felt the urgent need to write. It is Friday afternoon, four days after we had yet another mass shooting on a school campus. This time it was quite close to home at Michigan State University, located about an hour and a half away from me. A university that I have many ties to, including student counseling clients.

It was Monday evening and I was sitting on the couch with my husband arguing with our son to just finish his dang homework, when I received a Facebook message letting me know about an active shooter on the MSU campus. My heart dropped into my stomach. As I started searching more and more about the details, I decided it was best to inform my family what was happening and that I needed some time alone. That evening I was glued to Twitter, where all of the MSU campus police updates were being posted (I have some feelings about that being the source of updates). I also learned of a YouTube page that was broadcasting the police scanner, so I turned that on while also constantly refreshing the campus Twitter feed. I felt that I NEEDED to know when it had ended or I couldn’t go to sleep. For some students, listening to that scanner added an additional layer of trauma that has them now replaying the sounds they heard from police and in the background. For me, it was almost as if being kept up to date was my way of coping. But even after the shooter was located I remained awake, distracting myself with mobile games and apps until eventually forcing myself to go to bed around 3 am.

Tuesday was Valentine’s Day, but it didn’t feel like a day full of candy and flowers and love spreading. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. At one point I asked my family if we could just reschedule our evening plans to another day. My mind was racing, from thoughts of worrying about the students and figuring out how I could help, to worrying about the state of our world and how to keep my son safe from this ever happening to him. I opened up more session times for the week and contacted every college student that I have worked with in the past 3 months, letting them know I was thinking of them and of my increased availability.

Since then, I have met with a few handfuls of students including some new student clients. They are all processing in their own unique ways, but the consistent theme between them is that their sense of security and safety was taken from them. Whether they were on campus at the time, in an apartment a few blocks away, or even attend a different Michigan university, they all are grieving for the loss of safety in an environment that is supposed to keep them safe. I want to yell and scream and cry that it’s not fair and that this shouldn’t happen, but in reality it is happening more and more frequently with no resolution in sight. So, instead I lend a supportive and understanding ear to the students, I encourage them to reach out to their community and to recognize that each person will grieve in their own way and on their own time. I remind them to focus on their basic needs and how they can best meet them. I share resources that MSU has provided and other self-care and coping tips. I have found this fact sheet to be helpful for coping with grief. This resource sheet for college students is specific to a campus shooting. This website page discusses the warning signs of emotional distress for all ages. As much as I wish I could erase the pain that they are enduring, I can recognize that I am helping through the work that I do and the connections that I have formed with students. These connections with every amazing student that I have met with keep me going and give me hope for their future.

 

14 Ways to Find Your Way Back From Burnout

14 Ways to Find Your Way Back From Burnout

by | Dec 13, 2021 | Work-Life Balance

14 Ways to Find Your Way Back From Burnout

Preventing burnout protects your overall health and your career. However, if the way you work changed radically over the past year, your previous defenses may not be enough.

How do you know if you’re burned out?

Some of the most common signs include depression, irritability, and lack of motivation. You feel tired and unable to control your circumstances. Your physical health can be affected too, putting you at increased risk for heart conditions and diabetes.

If you’re feeling down and your work and home productivity has dropped, you can recover. Try these 14 strategies for bouncing back from burnout.

Fighting Burnout During Work Hours:

    1. Evaluate your expectations. Burnout is often caused by pushing yourself too hard for too long. Look at your to do list and see what you can eliminate or delegate. Focus on your top priorities.
    2. Set goals. Working towards something you want to achieve provides instant inspiration. Break long term objectives down into daily and weekly targets, so you’ll keep building momentum.
    3. Limit distractions. Burnout makes it difficult to concentrate. Create quiet spaces where you can work at the office or at home. Turn off your phone and stay away from websites and apps that become time sucks.
    4. Find allies. Do you feel isolated or have more conflicts with your coworkers? Burnout can take a toll on your relationships. Participate in social activities at work. If you feel safe, talk with your boss or a trusted colleague about what you’re going through.
    5. Have fun. Brighten up your workday. Join or start a wellness committee. Pass along a funny joke or an intriguing news story.
    6. Pace yourself. How many hours are you working a week? Research shows that excess overtime lowers your performance. You’re more likely to succeed with a 35-to-40-hour week.
    7. Take time off. It may help to get away from your routines for a while. If possible, use your vacation days to visit family and friends in another city if you are comfortable traveling. If you’re short on leave, you could try a spa day at home or check into a local hotel or AirBnb for the weekend and become a tourist in your own area.
    8. Evaluate your work and career values. Are your values in line with the work you are doing? Does the company hold values that are true to you? If you are unsure of your career values, taking an inventory will help you assess if your work environment and values are in sync. It is also advisable to go over the results and formulate goals with a career counselor.
    9. Be patient. Burnout often builds up gradually and it may take a while to turn things around. Give yourself credit for making an effort. Appreciate signs of gradual progress.

Fighting Burnout Outside of Work Hours:

  1. Address root causes. While there are many things you can do to cope with burnout temporarily, lasting change depends on resolving the source of your troubles. Maybe it’s an event at work, or maybe it has more to do with conflict in your personal life.
  2. Set boundaries. Remote work blurs the line between business and leisure activities. Try to keep office items out of your bedroom. Let your job know the hours when you’re unavailable.
  3. Sleep well. Go to bed on time, so you can wake up feeling refreshed. Stick to a consistent schedule, even on weekends and holidays.
  4. Increase movement. Physical activity relieves stress and gives you more energy. Design a balanced program of cardio exercise, strength training, and stretches.
  5. Learn to relax. Manage daily tensions with stress-relieving activities. Listen to instrumental music, podcasts, or work on your hobbies.
  6. Consider counseling. If your burnout symptoms persist, you may benefit from working with a therapist. Some employers have extended mental health benefits as a result of COVID-19. If you’re on a limited budget, contact a community hotline to explore low-cost services or check out a resource like www.openpathcollective.org.

Burnout can seem overwhelming, but you probably have more options than you think. Change your daily habits and ask others for help if you’re struggling. Taking constructive action will help you to regain your balance and increase your job satisfaction.